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February writing update
Well, I didn't write a ton - somewhere around 3k total - but I did double the length of one of my Rookie Blue WIPs. It's the AU for after 4x01, where I play with Andy's reactions to the trauma of having a gun held to her head, and the fallout it has on her relationships and mental health. (Because the show SO glossed over that and it was absolutely ridiculous. I mean, c'mon, a single scene talking about it - while they're still running for their lives - and she's all good? Who are we kidding?)
Samples (the second one is nowhere next to the first, the *** is just a separation of the two):
Andy wasn't sure how she had passed the mandatory psych eval required before she could be on active duty again. She'd had to tell the staff psychologist that she was angry at Nick, but somehow he'd believed her statement that she was dealing with that, and that she didn't want to lose a friendship over a difficult situation undercover. She wasn't sure if she believed her own words—she did when she said them to the psychologist, but when she woke gasping from another nightmare at three a.m., that was another matter. It was strange, how one action could override all the previous ones. When it came to trust… She was reminded of Luke's betrayal with Jo. At least that, as painful as it was, she'd been able to separate from her work. (Even if Sam hadn't thought she could.)
Which was why she found herself walking into 15 Division a full hour early on her first shift back. The officers in the building at the time were mostly from the other platoons, and knew her by face and reputation only. She found herself the recipient of a few waves and calls of "welcome back", but was by and large left alone (and relieved at that). She made her way to the staff sergeant's office, where Frank was filling out paperwork. She knocked on the door and entered.
Frank looked up from his papers and a smile broke out on his face. "Welcome back, McNally. We've all missed you."
"Thank you, sir. It's good to be back." She was actually starting to wonder about that, but if she said it enough times, maybe she'd believe it. Now for the hard part… "Um, did you have a chance to see any of our statements about the undercover?"
"I did see the initial debrief of the takedown, but otherwise no." He looked at her a little quizzically.
Andy worried her lip for a couple seconds. "Did that include the part where Officer Collins held a gun to my head and pulled the trigger?"
"It did." He studied her face. "It also stated that he knew it wasn't loaded."
She nodded, looking down at her hands.
"Do you not believe that?"
Her eyes shot straight to his. "No! No, I believe it. I just—" she took a breath, "I just don't trust him to have my back. I know he did what he could, and that he knew it wouldn't kill me, but… I don't think I can ride with him."
***
Oliver's words came back to her: "You're Andy McNally, and you don't give up". Nine months ago she would have agreed, but now she wasn't so sure. Some things—some relationships—became too broken to ever put back together.
If you want to see more, comment on this post (logged into Dreamwidth), and I'll post what I have under a special filter and grant you access to it. (Or if you want to volunteer to alpha read as I write it, you don't need a Dreamwidth account - just give me whatever email address you associate with Gmail and I'll send you an invitation to view the Google Doc of it.)
Samples (the second one is nowhere next to the first, the *** is just a separation of the two):
Andy wasn't sure how she had passed the mandatory psych eval required before she could be on active duty again. She'd had to tell the staff psychologist that she was angry at Nick, but somehow he'd believed her statement that she was dealing with that, and that she didn't want to lose a friendship over a difficult situation undercover. She wasn't sure if she believed her own words—she did when she said them to the psychologist, but when she woke gasping from another nightmare at three a.m., that was another matter. It was strange, how one action could override all the previous ones. When it came to trust… She was reminded of Luke's betrayal with Jo. At least that, as painful as it was, she'd been able to separate from her work. (Even if Sam hadn't thought she could.)
Which was why she found herself walking into 15 Division a full hour early on her first shift back. The officers in the building at the time were mostly from the other platoons, and knew her by face and reputation only. She found herself the recipient of a few waves and calls of "welcome back", but was by and large left alone (and relieved at that). She made her way to the staff sergeant's office, where Frank was filling out paperwork. She knocked on the door and entered.
Frank looked up from his papers and a smile broke out on his face. "Welcome back, McNally. We've all missed you."
"Thank you, sir. It's good to be back." She was actually starting to wonder about that, but if she said it enough times, maybe she'd believe it. Now for the hard part… "Um, did you have a chance to see any of our statements about the undercover?"
"I did see the initial debrief of the takedown, but otherwise no." He looked at her a little quizzically.
Andy worried her lip for a couple seconds. "Did that include the part where Officer Collins held a gun to my head and pulled the trigger?"
"It did." He studied her face. "It also stated that he knew it wasn't loaded."
She nodded, looking down at her hands.
"Do you not believe that?"
Her eyes shot straight to his. "No! No, I believe it. I just—" she took a breath, "I just don't trust him to have my back. I know he did what he could, and that he knew it wouldn't kill me, but… I don't think I can ride with him."
***
Oliver's words came back to her: "You're Andy McNally, and you don't give up". Nine months ago she would have agreed, but now she wasn't so sure. Some things—some relationships—became too broken to ever put back together.
If you want to see more, comment on this post (logged into Dreamwidth), and I'll post what I have under a special filter and grant you access to it. (Or if you want to volunteer to alpha read as I write it, you don't need a Dreamwidth account - just give me whatever email address you associate with Gmail and I'll send you an invitation to view the Google Doc of it.)